Wet Nurse
When I lived in Georgia for four years, I was introduced to some Southern ways that were a bit foreign to me. Most of it was charming. However, there were some things that were obviously a hold-over from the plantation slave days that took me by surprise. One of those was the use of a “wet nurse.”
It seems that some ladies of the old south were too… let’s say, genteel to be expected to nurse their own child. So a wet nurse would be recruited from among the plantation’s slave women to handle the duties. In case you haven’t figured it out, a wet nurse was a woman who had either recently given birth herself or even one who was constantly lactating for this specific purpose–that of breast feeding another’s child(ren).
The practice is not as common in developing countries anymore (except in Hollywood Give me a break!). The La Leche League doesn’t recommend it. I have some problems with it myself.
I wonder what happens to the child who looks into the eyes of another when the nurture and nutrition is flowing from someone other than mom. I wonder what happens when that relationship ends. Just because the child is weaned from the breast, doesn’t mean he’s done with the nourisher.
From what I’ve read, there are also concerns about the milk from another woman who is of a different genetic makeup as well as in a different stage of milk production than what is needed for the newborn.
The bottom line is that the convenience of this practice, whether a “luxury” or a necessity, whatever the good intentions are, may be outweighed by the injury, seen or unseen, that it does.
With this rather dubious picture in mind, I want to pose a question. (The parallels are frightening.) Has the Church become the surrogate parent (the “wet nurse”) of boys and girls, men and women of all ages? And, have we, as parents, shirked our responsibility to train up our own children (Prov. 22:6; Deut. 11:18-21)? Have we as adults depended upon the Church to disciple us to the next level (2 Tim. 2:15)? Have we counted on the “professionals” to birth, feed, and nurture our friends and family who need to know the One we know (Matt. 28:19; Philemon 6)?
A lady at WalMart told me today (in the context of a conversation about the myriad church denominations of which she had been a part), “I just go wherever I’m fed.” (Breast milk, no doubt.)
July 25th, 2006 at 11:04 pm
This is good stuff man. I just got home and read it. Im going to take some time to gather my thoughts and i’ll be back.
July 26th, 2006 at 11:26 am
This whole idea had never really occurred to me, but it makes sense. Looking back at the old testament, one’s family was extremely important. Today, maybe moreso in the U.S. than most places, the family isn’t quite as important. Plenty of people are more comfortable in their corporate office than they are in their livingroom with their family. And just look at the convenience, all you have to do is take your kids to church and then the responsibility of being a Christian role model falls on some youth pastor who is paid to do that kind of work. Sounds so american. Now don’t get me wrong, I am glad that kids have youth groups to go to. My family never went to church, it was a youth group with a basketball court that lead me to Christ. I would never have gone if it hadn’t been for that. I don’t think that is the only or best way to lead kids to Christ, but I am very thankful for it, I don’t care how much they spent on that court.
So we have made implications that kids being nursed by the church and not their family can be damaging, but what can we do to help that problem? Send kids home and tell their parents to game-up? I wish I had some better inputs for this topic, but I don’t even have kids.
July 26th, 2006 at 11:11 pm
I admit I struggle with this one. I agree that we are looking for churches that will be entertaining to our kids–that will keep them interested in God. So many of the kids are dropped off by parents, or the kids attend with close relatives or friends because mom/dad are “too busy”. (Is church a babysitter for these families?) At least these kids are getting some exposure to God. I was raised in a small church with no youth group. Church was strict and boring and although I was deep into it, I now realize how I could have benefitted from a funner, younger church environment. I would have loved to attend the services I see offered to teenagers today. These programs do amazing things for children and teens.
But I also see how commercial that is–how competitive it is. And I see that churches have made it easy for parents to pass the buck on their children’s spiritual growth. And it seems that most parents are taking the church up on it.
One thing my father did was always ask what I learned in Sunday School. We discussed my insights, the scriptures, and my dad always had some input from his own experiences or studies. And sometimes he learned from me. We go to different churches now that I’m in my 30’s, but we still do this every Sunday–give and take and learn and grow. Maybe churches need to work a little more on instructing parents? But how can they do that, when the kids are dropped off and the parents don’t even attend?
July 27th, 2006 at 12:16 pm
the failure is not the church for providing the programs, but it is our fault, as parents for not being faithful to the house of God and showing our children the
way. we are not good role-models
July 27th, 2006 at 2:24 pm
what is the house of God?
July 27th, 2006 at 3:14 pm
I remember when I was younger . . .
We trusted the church nursery workers with our newborns. Other parents kept their babies with them in the worship services. When we asked why, we were told by the parents that the nursery didn’t “do” babies. When we asked the nursery workers, it was lack of trust. They said new parents just don’t want anyone touching their child. Needless to say, when we dropped our babies off at the nursery, there wasn’t any worry about them getting enough attention. The workers sometimes fought over who would hold our children first, since they were the only babies in there. I think back and realize that my wife and I had wonderful relationships with those nursery workers, maybe because we demonstrated trust and confidence in them by leaving our children in their care when no one else would? (And just for reference, we’re not talking about a small church here. Attendance was around 400 to 500.)
What I’ve never understood is why those same parents who wouldn’t put their babies in the nursery, when their children got to be 3 or 4 years old, were always upset when there was no nursery provided at a church activity? What changed? The nursery workers were the same. To me, their children were at a far greater level of “risk” at the impressionable ages of 2 to 6 than when they were babes-in-arm. Something changed. Does a parent need more breaks from 3 year olds than 3 week olds? (Wait. Don’t answer that one.) Did the attitude of the parents change because time had hardened them, and/or their child? Had the “damage” already been done, so it’s no big deal if whatever happens in the nursery?
I suppose I wonder too much about nothing, most of the time. But, what a statement that we make, without words, when we as parents place our children, our most prized possessions, in the care of someone else. I’m not sure that parents fully consider the implications, both positive and negative, of such a choice. I know times are different now. Only in recent years have you heard of “shaken-baby syndrome”, leaving children to die in back seats of SUVs, and custody related kidnappings. Even though the fears may be greater today than when my kids were young, parents are still trusting their children in the hands of others. Sometimes appropriately and sometimes inappropriately. Sometimes too much and sometimes not enough. (Take a break lady, the kids need it!)
My kids are 19 and 20 now. Now is the time when I as a parent see the results of years of training and developing character, discipline, and values in my children. I can gladly say that my wife and I carried the brunt of that responsibility. With much commitment and a fair amount of personal sacrifice, we raised our kids ourselves. Not everything they know was learned from a book or a classroom. Much of what their grey matter holds is what they learned at home, or with family, or close friends. We didn’t rely on daycare, or teachers and school administrators, or children’s pastors and youth pastors to teach our kids right from wrong. I can now take pride in knowing the results I see in my kids are truly results of our efforts, not someone else’s. So neither can I blame anyone else for how my kids turned out.
As a parent I still trust them in the hands of others, everyday. Most of the time my fear lies in the fact that I’m trusting them with THEM, and no one else. So therefore, as has always been, they will continue to be in God’s hands, regardless of who may be in charge at the moment.
July 27th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
Hey tattoo!
“house of God” is a reference to a church, temple, or synagogue where the presence of God is perceived to dwell. It’s one of those western Christian terms that . . . Wait a minute . . .
This news is just in: If we are united with God by faith in Jesus Christ, then God is in us and with us.
So there you have it. We are the “house of God” and therefore wherever we are is the “house of God”.
July 27th, 2006 at 11:47 pm
Pierced,
Your great man. You had me really going for a sec. lol
Nice info.
July 27th, 2006 at 11:49 pm
I think pierced has a good point. Today society relays so much on the fast conveniences of life, whether that is the drive thru at McDonalds or the drop in day care. It’s easy sometime to pass the buck on to someone else. Here you take responsibility for my child for a while, I need a break! If we could “bow out” of parenting for any length of time I’m sure there would be some people never return! Raising children is not any easy task. I spent a lot of time alone with my children, due to my husband working an off shift. There are times when I just want to get away. Everyone is human, however if we avoid our responsibility & put it off on the youth pastor, children’s church leader or someone else to do, what have we accomplished? Nothing but avoiding reality, and that job to raise a child in the way they should go & they will not depart from it! My husband & I should teach our children about God & live our lives according to HIS word! It’s not anyone else’s responsibility.
July 28th, 2006 at 1:05 pm
Well, I cant say that I have much to add to what has already been said. I also feel that we have depended on “holy men” and “righteous teachers” to make sure that we and our children make it to heaven. I don’t lose much sleep when someone leaves a church because they are not ‘getting fed’. It’s not because I don’t care about that person, but because that person is not taking any responsibility for themselves. Don’t get me wrong, I do feel that our need for a Christian community needs to be ‘fed’ and that is a valid reason for choosing who you fellowship and worship with.
Too many people will never make a difference because they are waiting for the special man of God or move of the spirit to make them what they need to be.
my 2 cents
p.s. Jeff, you should go get your ear pierced when I get my tattoo. It would be a great bonding experience for me with my pastor.
July 28th, 2006 at 7:23 pm
I re-read the intial posting, and a line really hit me: Have we counted on the “professionals” to birth, feed, and nurture our friends and family who need to know the One we know ? I realize we have focused on the children here. But what about the adults? I know I am responsible for my own spiritual growth, and I am responsible for my children’s spiritual growth, but it sounds to me like maybe I should take some responsibility for those around me. My actions should be a testimony—-I should be an example to them of a godly person, and not just invite them to church and leave the mentoring to the church staff. I guess I am to be the mentor.
August 1st, 2006 at 2:59 am
grant???
August 1st, 2006 at 1:45 pm
Lol. I agree that parents should be discipling their kids and that the parents should be going to church and doing their quiet times and studying the Bible. I can’t say much but what’s already been said.
August 1st, 2006 at 8:53 pm
I was raised in a household of zero christians. My mom taught me to have great respect for others, work hard, have goals, and follow the rules when ever possible. she did this without ever bringing up one bible story or one wwjd. We always ate dinner as a family and had great conversation around the table but never gave thanks. I new about God but never new how to find Him until fourth grade, that’s when my family moved to Tulsa in a house just down the street from a church. I started hanging out at this church just to play basketball and make new friends. It was not until eigth grade that I finally gave my life Jesus and truly understood what a relationship with Christ really meant. I was a missionary to my family, I was the one who prayed in the house, I was the one who took my sisters to church, I was the one who talked about bible stories. My point in all this is, the church was my wet nurse, without the people of that church excepting me, teaching me, and praying for me and my family, I wouldn’t be the christian I am today. I don’t think the church bares sole responsibility for teaching the word of God to every child but sometimes it’s the only way they will know.
Kris, I agree with you totally and I will be an example to my children of a godly person, and not just invite them to church and leave the mentoring to the church staff. I just worry about the kids who have no such mentor.
August 1st, 2006 at 10:52 pm
Good points Nick. I’m glad you were a missionary to your family.
February 28th, 2007 at 5:28 am
I will apologize in advance if I have not understood this string of comments.
But it sounds to me as if you guys are including wet nursing into a long string of religious taboos. It seems like it is being viewed as bad as adultery, or any other of the unpleasant sins. So I’m sorry if I am off base on your thoughts. But I am confused how this simple debate is turned into a religious discussion. The basic need for a wet nurse begins back to the times of Moses, and oh by the way it was his mother. My point is this subject is wrong only if it was abused, or perverted. The fact is it originated as a selfless act. Over the years it was needed to help out those who lost wives in child birth, as well as providing the woman, some money to care for her self. It was the wealthy that perverted this service, because they became too lazy to feed their own children, so they begin to use slaves or servants. I just don’t see this as a sin against god. But the saying is everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
March 1st, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Larry,
The point of the original post is not to comment the act of nursing someone else’s child (Although, if you click on the “Hollywood” link you’ll see why it’s questionable these days). Instead, the point is that we’ve sold our children out to the “church” to nurture them so we don’t have to.
I have no beef with a wet nurse. But the act is symbolic of the consumerist mentality of many people in the church today.
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